It's not Sunday anymore.

Last Saturday, I saw him in an event that happens every week. For a long time, my friends and I were not able to attend that event because of how busy we were. But that day, we decided to have a refreshing night by going there. The circumstances that day were not easy. It was raining hard, we were stucked in traffic and we were not dressed really well. For a while I thought that this was bad idea, and it seems that everything did not go along with our plans that night. But we still went there.


When we came, the program had started for about ten to fifteen minutes already. And inside the building, the thing that I least expected to happen happened. He was there, sitting alone on one side of the room. But before I saw him, I noticed his girlfriend with her friends on the seats near the stage. Suddenly I felt uneasy on my seat, and transferred three more seats on the opposite side of the room. I think he saw me, but we both chose not greet each other. As usual, I was shy and did not know how to greet him so in the end I was not able to do so. 


That night, I felt regrets of not talking to him in a place where we both are not comfortable. It was a chance that I allowed to pass by. I was happy for seeing him there, but at the same time I felt jealous that he was there with his girlfriend. The jealousy was of course not justified, because I practically do not have the right to feel that way. But that was how I felt. And it sucks, being unable to fight for my feelings. 


The thing that I am pointing out here is that feeling of excitement and foolishness and anxiety will not come only on Sundays, but also every Saturday. How fun is that? Not funny at all. We have decided to go to that event every week now. I don't like feeling those feelings I have but I still feel them anyway. 


I don't like this feeling of being in love and not receiving anything in return. And now, I feel such a jerk for not allowing us to be friends. I'm still hoping someday that I will be able to overcome this feelings because as such as they give me joy, they also give me heartaches that I can't fight myself. 

DOOT

08/30/11