I never thought my heart would beat even faster for you. As usual, just as I am about to say goodbye to you, you do something that would make me fall for you all over again. Even though I'm saying this like I am completely for it, the truth is I don't like it 'cause it hurts so much inside feeling this way. You were there in front of me, but I know you are way too far for you to even notice me.
Today, I just knew that the thing you have with her is real and its just hard to intervene. I am completely aware that it was me who caused this things to happen. I did not allow anything, even friendship, to happen between us.
It has been a while seen I started to tell myself to stop thinking about you, but never actually did, 'cause I can't. Until now I'm still figuring out myself. What do I really feel? Is this right? Or is everything just a little sad story that I made myself? I still don't know the answers. I am totally clueless about what to do, but I know I have to do something. Something that would make my heart calm, patient and peaceful, even for just a while.
As write this blog, I feel like I am in high school again. Being so depressed and feeling so emotional about a guy whom I don't even know for sure if I really feel that way for him. When we write, sometimes we just get too emotional and exaggerate the whole thing.
Doot
06/26/11
I have decided to turn off my laptop once it says battery is low, but when I sent a message to my best friend, I thought maybe I want a little work for my fingers.
I just read some blogs and reviews from real bloggers and realized there could be more to blogging than just sharing how you feel at the moment. It should cover the whole picture you want your readers to see. It's not just a picture and a one-liner caption below it. A real blog contains messages and lessons that the writer learned in the process which then inspire the readers who could be in just the same situation.
It was good I made my clear that I want this "blog" to be for my private writings and thoughts. I admit this isn't one of the real blogs I was talking about, but who knows maybe in time I'll learn how to write well and be brave enough to share the thoughts and feelings that I have. Thanks to Samantha Sotto's blog about Sunday secrets and I was able to know about the other world that exist online. Just now, I realized the world wide web is not equal to FACEBOOK, GOOGLE and YOUTUBE. There are also some good things happening on the side that is not exposed to everyone. I guess I was lucky to discover about this.
I think this blog will not be a place to write the thoughts that should be kept away from the WWW anymore. Then I need to have a real diary for that..
Yesterday, I got my new braces on my teeth. That is why my mouth hurts so much. But it's alright, 'cause I know in the I will have a better smile to flash to every person that I meet. I was happy, yet I was nervous when the dentist started placing the brackets on my teeth. I still have my molars free from brackets because I have a temporary filling on one of my molar teeth. I have to come back after 15 days, that is May 4, to get my molar brackets. It feels a little awkward but after a couple of days I should get used to it.
The Brackets -->
Last week, that guy was looking for me because I was not around. Yesterday, it was like I just don't exist again. Last week, I knew that somehow he knows that I exist, and that he will look for me when i'm not there. But what happened yesterday? Maybe there are just things that can't be understood unless you talk about them in detail. I want to talk to that guy, but something in me is holding back. I guess I am just afraid that things will not work the I imagine them. That will hurt big time. I think I will just stay the I am right now. I don't want to do anything yet. I will be waiting, still be waiting for the right moment for us to talk. And I wish that it wouldn't be that long, 'cause I might get tired of waiting for someone that was not coming.
-SundaySecrets
04.04.11
It is my first time to blog. I started this because I found out that someone very dear to me has his own blog, so I also tried to make one. Hope I could continue to do this even if I will be able to forget him. Blogging is a good thing, I guess, for the mind to work, even though no one will be reading my posts.
Smiles! :)
